Kaylum Truong Pomona College Prospective Computer Science Major

Feedback on your four UC essays

$240 for all four PIQs

4 in-depth reviews, one for each of your drafts, with comments
45-minute brainstorm and discussion with me on Google Meet
1 final review of your revision

Interested?

Pick a time for a free 15-minute call on Google Meet.

See open times

If you’re under 18, please have a parent or guardian book the call.

More below

Once upon a time, I was writing four UC Personal Insight Questions of my own. Honestly, hearing from my own counselor that Admissions Officers give learning a fundamental aspect about the world the same weight as changing a groundbreaking aspect of the world gave me the underlying understanding of what colleges are looking for. They know you’re practically 18 years old, and they don’t expect you to have cured cancer so early in life. It’s exciting for them to read about your growth as a human being, but you need to be able to demonstrate it.

Now? I’m a Pomona College student, and I help this year’s seniors get over the finish line.

How it works

It costs $240 for all four responses.

Comments in your Google Doc

First, I read your four drafts and leave comments in your Google Doc, with a short note on what I would change first.
45 minutes on Google Meet

Second, we meet on Google Meet for 45 minutes to go through the comments and decide what the next draft should do.
One last read

Third, you revise, and I read the new draft once and send my last notes.

I send the first comments within two days of getting your drafts. The UC application is due November 30, and I’d send drafts by November 22 to leave yourself time to revise. I’m working with four students before the deadline.

What I look for

When I first read a draft of your PIQ, I’m looking for the substance and the specifics to back up your story, so it feels concrete to me. How much money did you raise? What did running your club involve? You need to understand that you don’t have as much room for flair as in the Common Application’s Personal Statement, so remember to rely on function over form first. There may be room for a little bit of your creativity to shine through in the writing itself, but that should not be anywhere near the main focus.

Two paragraphs from my own draft

I rewrote the opening of my UC essay about sociology at least three times. These are two paragraphs from an early draft, with the comments I would give them now.

In English, we read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.^{comment 1} The preface portrayed sociologists descending upon a quaint Italian town to determine the cause of a mysterious lack of chronic illnesses. They ran surveys, interviews, and examined the inner workings of townspeople’s lives.^{comment 2} The work was important^{comment 3} because the research could be used to make other communities healthier too.

This paragraph is 57 words about Gladwell’s book, and I haven’t learned anything about you yet. A UC response only gets 350 words.
I tripped on this list because surveys and interviews are things they ran, and then the third item starts a new verb.
This tells me the work was important, and I would rather hear why it mattered to you.

Beyond that, I was in awe^{comment 4} of the combination of analytical and personal work sociologists did to uplift society. Instead of being cooped up in a lab,^{comment 5} they were out doing fieldwork in hopes of making the world a better place.

This is the first time you show up, and I think the essay starts here.
Honestly, this is the line I like most because I can picture it, and I would keep it.

I would open with the awe and cut the summary of the book, which gives you 57 words back for what you did next.

Here is how the final version started.

Sociologists awed me.

Instead of cooping up in a lab, they were doing fieldwork amongst people, hoping to make the world a better place.

The final draft never mentions the book, and it kept the line about the lab.

What I don’t do

I will not write your essays for you.

Your essays are yours and yours to write alone. I will help you get where you need to go, and I understand that this is not an easy process, but that’s what I’m here for.

I also don’t put your drafts into AI tools. Of course, I can’t promise an admission result.

About me

I applied to all UC campuses outside of UC Merced. In spite of that, I eventually opted to study Computer Science and pursue entrepreneurship at Pomona College within the Claremont Consortium, where other top colleges such as Harvey Mudd and Claremont McKenna reside.

In high school, I taught Python at Codely, a free tutoring program for younger students, and I ran it in my last year. I taught about 40 students over three years. I always felt bad when my students wanted to stay longer but couldn’t.

After guiding peers and younger students through the onslaught that college applications are, I learned that everyone has the memories and motivations within them that can convince colleges to yearn for someone of their personality on campus. However, you might struggle with getting your thoughts out cohesively or understanding exactly what the Admissions Officer reading your essays wants from you.

That’s completely fine.

I take a lot of pride in seeing you get to the places you strive to go, especially knowing that you simply needed a nudge in the right direction and some advice to fully express yourself. I’ve mentored dozens of students over the years, and I look forward to helping many more in the years to come.

Interested?

I’d be happy to talk on a free 15-minute call, and you can pick whatever time is most convenient for you.

See open times on my calendar

If you’re under 18, please have a parent or guardian book the call.

On the call, it would help to know which UC campuses you’re applying to, which four prompts you chose, and how far along each draft is.

For any questions, you can email me at the address below.

[email protected]

After the call, I’ll email you my Zelle details, and you share your drafts and pay before I start reading. After November 30, I also read supplements for other colleges at $90 per school.

I look forward to speaking with you!

Feedback on your four UC essays

How it works

Comments in your Google Doc

45 minutes on Google Meet

One last read

What I look for

Two paragraphs from my own draft

What I don’t do

About me

Interested?

I’m opening my calendar so you can pick a time for the call.